Hanging Out With the Coon Brothers

Jack, Jill and I were on the creek bank, trying to catch fish.  We all knew who were coming by the sound the raucous trio were making.  This was not our first time these three.  We knew and liked them, but sometimes they were a bit too much to handle.  That was the case this time.  We could tell as soon as they hit the light of the lantern that they had been partaking of the mushroom stump water.  The effect was deeper on Barrack than Harry or Chuck.  They were bad enough, but Barrack had been especially deep into the stump.  We had all been in this spot before and knew that it would soon be contentious.
     First they would flatter us by telling us how great citizens we were by trying to feed ourselves.  Then if we were successful in fishing we should give them sixty percent for "administrative" costs, then give 30 percent to the ones who did not have an opportunity to fish for themselves.  If we were not too greedy  we should keep the other ten percent for ourselves.  They failed to mention that there were miles of creek bank to fish in, but they did not want to quit partying to take advantage of the opportunity.  Being good citizens, we just smiled and continued to fish.
     The mushroom water was working on Barrack pretty good and he decided to push it a bit farther.  Echoing his cousin, Maxine, he shouted  "Impeach 4 5". 
     "Why would you want to do that?" I asked.
     "He's' crazy, he's stupid, he's un-American, He did not get the majority vote."
     "Do you know anything about the constitution?"
     "Well yes, I am a constitutional lawyer."
     "I'm just a dumb sign painter, but I do have a copy in my pocket, let's see what it says."
     "You are a dumb ass."  he replied.
     Knowing that  arguing was useless and being pissed that he called me a dumbass, I pulled the copy out of my wallet.  Picking up a big limb, I wrapped my copy around it and proceeded to beat the crap out of the three.  At the best of times a coon is hard to handle, but these three were under the influence of stump water and limber as hell.  However I was full of anger and cracked the stick up against their skulls, knocking them out.  I grabbed up Barrack and hung him in the tree by his hind feet.  Most coons, when they stay in power too long, have a condition known as brain drop.  The brain begins to drop into their digestive tract and the crap obstructs their thinking process.  I thought with him upside down, I would give him a few whacks on the butt to jar his brain back to where it belongs.  However by the hollow sound, I could tell that it was too late.  He had excreted his brain long ago.  Knowing that, I also knew that Harry and Chuck had already unloaded theirs also.
     If the average person walks the halls of congress, they are amazed at the dodo brains lying in the hallways.  Some are red, but the majority are a sickening blue.  The stench and sight of these piles are disgusting, however the mainstream media walks through and in them everyday and are oblivious to the effects.  It is contagious just to be near that crap, for if you touch it, it will corrupt you also.  The effect is that your brain will move to your ass and if you don't get help soon, you will excrete your brain as well.
     So if you are going to beat the crap out of coons with a stick, make sure that you don't get any crap on your person.