Thursday, January 12, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Gate
Saturday, January 7, 2012
The End of Hell part 6
Now that the darkness of hell has been turned to the light of day, I can see and understand. I built that personal hell. The darkness was my trying to do everything on my own, and I shut the light of God out. I really needed help with all my problems, but no, I can do it all by myself. I can fix this, was my attitude.
God was an important part of my life, but more for the afterlife. I did not want to include Him. I would pray for his help, but did not have the faith required to bring the prayers to fruition. The chains were there to protect me. The frigid cleansing floods did not know me from a piece of crap. The chains kept me connected to the rock of my salvation, and I was not swept away with the rest of the crap in my life. There was a lot of things happening that kept me in the pit of darkness. After several decades, my business was on the brink of collapse. I could have weathered that. My children turned their backs on us. That was exceptionally hard and the more that I tried to fix it, the worse it became. My father died in the middle of all this. My wife and I had to deal with this alone. My niece Sandie, was a big help during this time. But with all this crap, I was never able to grieve as I should.
That old demon, suicide, had pushed me to the edge several times, but the chains connecting me to the rock of my salvation were just short enough to keep me from jumping over the precipice. I used to wonder how someone could take their own life. Now that I have been to the edge and back and seen the misery and heartache, I have a better understanding and sympathy. When I turned and knocked him out, it was the Strength of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ that flattened him. At that point I was ready for some help and that was the key. He works when we give up.
The vision of seeing my grandchildren was real. It came about during the Christmas break. We were able to spend some time with them. The youngest one spent the day and night and next day with us. What a glorious time to be alive. God does not work on His own time as I believed. This thing called "free will" is just that. Four years was really a short time to bring four different people together. Some times a life time is not long enough. Thank God, that in this case it did not take that long. Again, I say, What a glorious time to be alive.
God was an important part of my life, but more for the afterlife. I did not want to include Him. I would pray for his help, but did not have the faith required to bring the prayers to fruition. The chains were there to protect me. The frigid cleansing floods did not know me from a piece of crap. The chains kept me connected to the rock of my salvation, and I was not swept away with the rest of the crap in my life. There was a lot of things happening that kept me in the pit of darkness. After several decades, my business was on the brink of collapse. I could have weathered that. My children turned their backs on us. That was exceptionally hard and the more that I tried to fix it, the worse it became. My father died in the middle of all this. My wife and I had to deal with this alone. My niece Sandie, was a big help during this time. But with all this crap, I was never able to grieve as I should.
That old demon, suicide, had pushed me to the edge several times, but the chains connecting me to the rock of my salvation were just short enough to keep me from jumping over the precipice. I used to wonder how someone could take their own life. Now that I have been to the edge and back and seen the misery and heartache, I have a better understanding and sympathy. When I turned and knocked him out, it was the Strength of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ that flattened him. At that point I was ready for some help and that was the key. He works when we give up.
The vision of seeing my grandchildren was real. It came about during the Christmas break. We were able to spend some time with them. The youngest one spent the day and night and next day with us. What a glorious time to be alive. God does not work on His own time as I believed. This thing called "free will" is just that. Four years was really a short time to bring four different people together. Some times a life time is not long enough. Thank God, that in this case it did not take that long. Again, I say, What a glorious time to be alive.
Friday, January 6, 2012
The End of Hell part 5
It was unusually busy today. Try as I might, there was no sleep to use as an escape. I could hear long wailing screams, starting off in the far distance, getting louder and closer. The scream finally touched my ears, hesitated for a moment, raced through my ear drum and exploded into my brain. The pain is intense, red hot and unbearable. Just as I think I will lose consciousness, the sharp pain in my foot revived me. I had been so focused on the scream, that I did not hear the click-clack of sharp pointed feet on the hard rock floor, sneaking up on me. In a split second the beast stomped on my soft foot with his hard, sharp, pointed heel. It nailed me to the hard slick rock.
I had begun to relive some happier times, but hell would have none of that. There was no escape today. I tried to move my foot away from the pain, but it was no use. The pain almost made me pass out. The more I struggled, the more intense it became. As I settled down, the sharpness subsided, leaving me with just a dull ache. I guess the beast grew tired, for I could hear and feel him stir. He removed his heel from my foot and hurriedly scurried off. I should be relieved, but I am not. He was just getting out of the way of a more formidable entity.
This one I could see, for he had an eerie orange aura around him, and his eyes were glowing with a neon green light. With the light he was giving off I could see my surroundings. It was a death pit, with the bones of lost souls, reflecting the orange and green light. It sent chills through my body. He did not know that I had spotted him. As he was sneaking up on me, the putrid smell of death, was making it difficult to act nonchalant. Nausea and fear swept over me as he came closer. As he touched me, I swung around with the chain wrapped around my hand. The weight of the chain and the energy of my spin, caught him off guard. I connected with him on the lower left jaw. All the energy continued on it's upward motion to his brain and knocked his ass out. I knew that I was in deep dookey when he woke up. I needed help.
For years I had prayed continuously for help in this situation. I always thought that He would answer, but I was impatient. I guess that I was finally ready for help and this time He decided to answer me. "You have wallowed in self-pity for four years now. You have tried to fix this problem by yourself and that showed a lack of faith. Charles, you have done all that you can, now I will take care of it." At that time, He allowed me to hear those wonderful words "Grandpa". For four years, I had not heard those words or seen those children. In a vision from Him, I saw that we were back together again. All this worry, self-pity and depression gained not a thing. Just a colossal waste of time. With these words and revelation, the chains were loosed, the darkness replaced by light and the walls disappeared. At that moment hell dissolved and with His help will not return again.
I had begun to relive some happier times, but hell would have none of that. There was no escape today. I tried to move my foot away from the pain, but it was no use. The pain almost made me pass out. The more I struggled, the more intense it became. As I settled down, the sharpness subsided, leaving me with just a dull ache. I guess the beast grew tired, for I could hear and feel him stir. He removed his heel from my foot and hurriedly scurried off. I should be relieved, but I am not. He was just getting out of the way of a more formidable entity.
This one I could see, for he had an eerie orange aura around him, and his eyes were glowing with a neon green light. With the light he was giving off I could see my surroundings. It was a death pit, with the bones of lost souls, reflecting the orange and green light. It sent chills through my body. He did not know that I had spotted him. As he was sneaking up on me, the putrid smell of death, was making it difficult to act nonchalant. Nausea and fear swept over me as he came closer. As he touched me, I swung around with the chain wrapped around my hand. The weight of the chain and the energy of my spin, caught him off guard. I connected with him on the lower left jaw. All the energy continued on it's upward motion to his brain and knocked his ass out. I knew that I was in deep dookey when he woke up. I needed help.
For years I had prayed continuously for help in this situation. I always thought that He would answer, but I was impatient. I guess that I was finally ready for help and this time He decided to answer me. "You have wallowed in self-pity for four years now. You have tried to fix this problem by yourself and that showed a lack of faith. Charles, you have done all that you can, now I will take care of it." At that time, He allowed me to hear those wonderful words "Grandpa". For four years, I had not heard those words or seen those children. In a vision from Him, I saw that we were back together again. All this worry, self-pity and depression gained not a thing. Just a colossal waste of time. With these words and revelation, the chains were loosed, the darkness replaced by light and the walls disappeared. At that moment hell dissolved and with His help will not return again.
Friday, December 23, 2011
40% Off Sale
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The End of Hell(Part 4)
Hell is a slippery adversary. Just as you think that you have escaped, it pulls you back. Sleep is the only escape, where for a short while, you can forget the pain and agony that is engulfing you. Sweeping over you in a cold, frigid flood, washing away what little you have managed to bring back. As I feel the tug on my feet, I struggle with all the fiber of my being to remain asleep. This effort works for a while.
I see myself back in Headland, living next door to Cleveland Lee's garage. I am lying on the bed crying. Dad is trying to comfort me, but I won't have any of it. I don't know what caused me to be upset, but I will never forget him for his kindness. He had to give up and go to work. The following night, I had to go to the store across the street. It was dark, but the street lights gave off enough light to see. They also cast strange shadows, that to a five year old, looked like satan himself. My short legs were moving like pistons in a 283 Chevy short block at full throttle. I was moving so fast that everything was a blur. Just as I made it into the yard and safety, satan grabbed me from behind. "Help", I screamed at the top of my lungs. Just then dad sat me down and rolled onto the ground laughing his ass off. I knew that I got to close to that bush. As soon as the fear left me, I laughed also. It was funny and I was glad that I would not be eaten that night.
Even as I laughed, I could feel the grip of hell getting stronger. I was straining so hard against it, that my head hurt. William was a friend in my late teens. He was a big strong boy that shared my love for alcohol. Nothing scared him. He had broken his neck playing football for Headland. I did not know him before that, but everyone said that it changed him. We would do everything together. Mostly that involved riding around in his car and drinking beer. William had a great personality and everyone liked him, especially mom and dad. A few times we go to Preston's Mill with dad and some of his friends, to swim in the snake infested river. We were all so tanked up that the snakes had to leave. What sober snake can stand to be around a bunch of drunks anyway? Ah, those were the days, little did I know they were setting the groundwork for the rest of my life.
Oh shit, here it comes again. How many times have I been jerked back here? The chains are almost my friends. At least I know where I am. The utter desolation and loneliness keep my mind off everything, except for the misery that I am in. Every time I come back here, the pain is more intense. The longer that I am awake, the more tired I become. I know that soon I will be able to escape again, if only for a short while.
The moon is shining bright on the Newville Highway. We were the only car on the road, and when we turned the headlights off we could see for miles on the flat road. It was late and we had finished all the beer. There was nowhere open at this time of night to buy more. William and I were tired and needed some sleep or another beer to keep us from crashing. We were doing fine then it changed. In a split second we were arguing furiously. After passing a few licks in the car, he stopped by the side of the road and I got out. He sped off, leaving me stranded by the edge of the highway. The moon disappeared behind a stray cloud and darkness engulfed me. I was pissed off, but not overly concerned, for I was only about a twenty minute walk from home.
I could hear the '61 Ford coming around the curve behind me. The four barrel carburetor was pouring gas into the screaming 390 full block engine, It sounded like a freight train barrelling up behind me in the dark. I ain't even going to look back, just keep walking. As hard as I tried not to, something made me look anyway. What the hell? I had to jump to the side to keep from being hit. He went by me at over a hundred. You fucking bastard, I screamed as I rose from the dirt, shaking my fist at him, knowing that he could not hear me. I walked and cussed, walked and cussed. Then I saw his lights coming toward me. I was prepared for him this time and at the last minute, I stepped to the side. Now I was concerned, for I knew that it was not over. When he came back, it was at a slow snail's pace. He pulled up beside me and asked "Are you o k?"
"Fuck you", I replied.
"I'm sorry, Charles, come on, get in." he said sorrowfully.
I got in and he carried me home. We were not friends for a while, but we eventually friends again. As we both married and raised our families, we drifted apart. A few years ago, I got a call from Don.
"Do you know where I am?" he asked.
"No, where?", I answered.
"I am at William's funeral." "He had a heart attack while burning trash in his yard and fell into the fire. We don't know if he died before he burned or if the fire killed him." Don responded.
We only lived a few miles apart, but it might as well have been a lifetime. Usually when I have escaped from hell I am happy, but not this time.
Jimmy was a friend of mine and Williams. He was a short stocky man and mean as a snake. He whipped every cop in Dothan and blinded one in a bar fight. He went to prison for that. I saw him for the first time in forty years, when he walked into the shop. He was out on work release and was able to stop and see me. He told me that William was murdered by his mistress' husband and was thrown into the fire to cover it up. That may be true, but what does it matter? He is dead and nothing can change that. a few weeks later, I saw Jimmy on the news. He had been arrested, while in jail, for trying to solicit a hit man to kill the district attorney. He received a life sentence for that. I guess hell is relative to your situation.
I see myself back in Headland, living next door to Cleveland Lee's garage. I am lying on the bed crying. Dad is trying to comfort me, but I won't have any of it. I don't know what caused me to be upset, but I will never forget him for his kindness. He had to give up and go to work. The following night, I had to go to the store across the street. It was dark, but the street lights gave off enough light to see. They also cast strange shadows, that to a five year old, looked like satan himself. My short legs were moving like pistons in a 283 Chevy short block at full throttle. I was moving so fast that everything was a blur. Just as I made it into the yard and safety, satan grabbed me from behind. "Help", I screamed at the top of my lungs. Just then dad sat me down and rolled onto the ground laughing his ass off. I knew that I got to close to that bush. As soon as the fear left me, I laughed also. It was funny and I was glad that I would not be eaten that night.
Even as I laughed, I could feel the grip of hell getting stronger. I was straining so hard against it, that my head hurt. William was a friend in my late teens. He was a big strong boy that shared my love for alcohol. Nothing scared him. He had broken his neck playing football for Headland. I did not know him before that, but everyone said that it changed him. We would do everything together. Mostly that involved riding around in his car and drinking beer. William had a great personality and everyone liked him, especially mom and dad. A few times we go to Preston's Mill with dad and some of his friends, to swim in the snake infested river. We were all so tanked up that the snakes had to leave. What sober snake can stand to be around a bunch of drunks anyway? Ah, those were the days, little did I know they were setting the groundwork for the rest of my life.
Oh shit, here it comes again. How many times have I been jerked back here? The chains are almost my friends. At least I know where I am. The utter desolation and loneliness keep my mind off everything, except for the misery that I am in. Every time I come back here, the pain is more intense. The longer that I am awake, the more tired I become. I know that soon I will be able to escape again, if only for a short while.
The moon is shining bright on the Newville Highway. We were the only car on the road, and when we turned the headlights off we could see for miles on the flat road. It was late and we had finished all the beer. There was nowhere open at this time of night to buy more. William and I were tired and needed some sleep or another beer to keep us from crashing. We were doing fine then it changed. In a split second we were arguing furiously. After passing a few licks in the car, he stopped by the side of the road and I got out. He sped off, leaving me stranded by the edge of the highway. The moon disappeared behind a stray cloud and darkness engulfed me. I was pissed off, but not overly concerned, for I was only about a twenty minute walk from home.
I could hear the '61 Ford coming around the curve behind me. The four barrel carburetor was pouring gas into the screaming 390 full block engine, It sounded like a freight train barrelling up behind me in the dark. I ain't even going to look back, just keep walking. As hard as I tried not to, something made me look anyway. What the hell? I had to jump to the side to keep from being hit. He went by me at over a hundred. You fucking bastard, I screamed as I rose from the dirt, shaking my fist at him, knowing that he could not hear me. I walked and cussed, walked and cussed. Then I saw his lights coming toward me. I was prepared for him this time and at the last minute, I stepped to the side. Now I was concerned, for I knew that it was not over. When he came back, it was at a slow snail's pace. He pulled up beside me and asked "Are you o k?"
"Fuck you", I replied.
"I'm sorry, Charles, come on, get in." he said sorrowfully.
I got in and he carried me home. We were not friends for a while, but we eventually friends again. As we both married and raised our families, we drifted apart. A few years ago, I got a call from Don.
"Do you know where I am?" he asked.
"No, where?", I answered.
"I am at William's funeral." "He had a heart attack while burning trash in his yard and fell into the fire. We don't know if he died before he burned or if the fire killed him." Don responded.
We only lived a few miles apart, but it might as well have been a lifetime. Usually when I have escaped from hell I am happy, but not this time.
Jimmy was a friend of mine and Williams. He was a short stocky man and mean as a snake. He whipped every cop in Dothan and blinded one in a bar fight. He went to prison for that. I saw him for the first time in forty years, when he walked into the shop. He was out on work release and was able to stop and see me. He told me that William was murdered by his mistress' husband and was thrown into the fire to cover it up. That may be true, but what does it matter? He is dead and nothing can change that. a few weeks later, I saw Jimmy on the news. He had been arrested, while in jail, for trying to solicit a hit man to kill the district attorney. He received a life sentence for that. I guess hell is relative to your situation.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
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