I Hate Death

It has been three days now Mom, that I have been without you.  For the last year I knew something was wrong, you had lost so much weight and had a smell about you.  I felt if I ignored it that it would go away.  Then when you fell over a month ago I knew there was something terribly wrong.  What could I do anyway, but dread the inevitable?  After a few hours you were able to get up and around, but it took a couple of weeks to get over that.  Then the storm came and broke the black walnut tree so that we could eat the leaves.  The next day you could hardly walk.  For a couple of days, Charles kept a close eye on you, but you only got worse.
     When he locked me in the barn at feeding time,  I could sense that something was going on.  He stood outside with you on a halter and fed you more than you usually get.  After you finished eating, he brought me out to see you.  We nuzzled each other and you kissed me, he then put me back in the barn.  After an hour or so he released me and you and we went to the pasture.  That did not last long, for a man drove up in a truck and Charles locked me in the barn again.  I knew they were going for you and I could not stand the thoughts of that.  When I got to the black walnut tree, I saw you lying motionless on the ground.  I walked over and tried to nudge you to get you up.  You would not budge and I could smell the death on you.
     Charles locked me in the barn again, but I was able with my nose to push the door back again.  At this time the backhoe was beside you and Charles was digging the dirt.  He stopped and carried me back to the barn again and tied me up this time.  I broke the rope and got out again, ran to where you were lying in the hole.  I whimpered, whined and cried, but you would not move or even try to get up.  I panicked and ran every which way dragging the rope.  I stepped on it a couple of times and Charles stopped what he was doing and removed the halter from me, so that I would not harm myself .  He let me stay and watch as he dumped dirt on top of you.  Why wouldn't you get up and run?  I have been by your side for twenty two years and I could not understand why this was happening. 
     I cried all that night, running to and fro.  I was so tired the next morning, but I was still looking for you.  When he fed me, Charles told me that you had foundered on the leaves.  The vet told him that you had liver disease and regardless of how much he fed you, you would never get your weight back.  I ate the leaves also, but my liver was able to withstand the toxins.  I have calmed down some, what choice do I have?  I miss you and I hate death.